Accusation does not change others
Anyone who does anything thinks that he is the right and correct choice: the over-excited person thinks that he is compelled to do so, the coward believes that he is very cautious, and the miser believes that he is very frugal. everyone is acting on their own and thinks it is reasonableEven if he is completely wrong.
Son: “It has been!
I have not seen the person who can see it and the self-introduction.
Confucius said: “Forget it!
I have not seen anyone who can find his own fault and blame himself inside.
“It is obvious that there are very few people who can boldly admit mistakes.”
In the depths of a person’s heart is not willing to take care of himself, who is willing to admit that he is wrong?
Everyone can find a lot of reasons for their wrong behavior.
Even if a person knows that he has made a mistake, he is not willing to admit it in public, and he is even more reluctant to point it out in person.
If someone blames him face to face, he will immediately mobilize all the wisdom and strength to justify.
Therefore, it is useless to blame and reject others unless he wants to understand.
As Carnegie said: “There are ninety-nine out of a hundred times. No one will blame himself for anything. It is true that he is wrong.
The way we use criticism and accusation does not make permanent changes, but it can cause resentment.
Don’t blame others, try to understand them and try to understand why they do it, which is more feasible than expected.
“You ignore the reason behind the world. Everything in this world is not produced for no reason. Anyone who does anything has his reasons and reasons.
The reason why you criticize and accuse him is often because you have not figured out the reasons behind it.
During the Second World War, General Bradley of the United States was ordered to perform a dangerous and urgent task.
So he immediately summoned his men and soldiers to make them a long line.
”This time, our mission is both arduous and dangerous!
“Bradley took a look at everyone,” who is willing to take the risk of this task, please take two steps forward.” At this time, a staff member was sent to give him a copy of the latest report, Bradley.I whispered to the staff for a moment.
When he finished the battle report and faced the soldiers in the ranks again, he found that the long team was still a straight line, and no one had two more forwards than the others next to him.
He couldn’t hold his emotions and was angry and frustrated: “The soldiers are in a thousand days, and they are using the soldiers for a while. Now the situation is urgent. There is no one alone.” “Reporting Commander!
“I saw the people standing in the front row with grievances.” Each of us stepped forward two steps.” At this time, General Bradley replaced him and blamed the brave soldiers.
Don’t you want to blame others?
Well, the next time you criticize others, you must first fully understand the situation.
If you are eager to criticize and blame indiscriminately, it is easy to cause harm to others.
Therefore, we need to change the habit of making false judgments about other people’s practices without analysis.
Undoubtedly, in the court to determine the right and wrong of a thing, often a lot of nuanced investigation work is required, that is, the assumption is sinless. By analyzing various reasons, it is possible to discover the evidence of the person and then make a final conclusion.
In daily interpersonal relationships, no matter how ridiculous others are wrong, don’t blame and repeat. First take out a minute or so and ask the other party why.
The complete understanding is that total forgiveness lives on our planet, with people of different skin colors, different living habits and different religious beliefs.
Even if it is the same thing, different people may have completely different opinions. Even if the same person sees the same thing from different angles or different times, different imitations may occur.
When a person does something, the reasons behind it are often complex and diverse, and they need to be understood and analyzed to get an answer.
Sometimes, it is the reason why the individual has information.
For example, the opinions of the men and the leaders are different. In most cases, the information that the leaders have is more comprehensive, and most of them are in the long-term interests of the company.
Sometimes, it is because of the strength of personal understanding.
For example, if you let a child go to be an adult, sometimes it will not satisfy you, because he still does not understand the rules of the adult.
Sometimes it is caused by differences in ethnicity and customs.
For example, you don’t think cows are sacred because you don’t live in India. If you live in India, you will feel that this is normal.The reason why you feel that a hot day is that men wear robes and headscarves are a little unbelievable because you are not Arab.
If you live in an Arab country, you will feel that the Saudi king is well dressed, and that Arafat’s dress is quite a bit British.
The reason why you think your son is calling his father’s name is not polite because you are not living in the United States.
We often see my son in the American TV series calling his father: “Mike.” The humorous and intimate father is neither angry nor happy.
In the rural area of Jiaodong, China, if you call your father’s name, you will chase him behind him.
Sometimes it is the reason of the times.
For example, you feel that a man is a bit awkward because he is not a Qing Dynasty.
At that time, if a brave warrior faced a group of gangsters and stood up, glaring and screaming at the same time, and shouting a long disability, loudly fiction: “Come on, come together!”
“You will think: “Wow, really handsome!
Cool and long fragile!
“The reason why you think that the earth is not the center of the universe, because you did not live five hundred years ago, when people generally believed that the earth is of course the center of the universe, the sun is turning around the earth: “Look, the sun rises and falls, it is every day.Are turning around us!
“In short, the reason why a person does that must have his reasons.
You understand the reason behind it and you won’t be surprised by the results.
As Aristotle said: “The full understanding is total forgiveness.
“If I am in his life, many people are often self-righteous and go to other people’s lifestyles on their own value scales. The result often makes them happen: they think it’s good, they don’t necessarily think it’s good; you think you have paid a lot for each other.However, the other party may think that these contributions have no meaning to him. If you only look at the problem from your own point of view, even if you have a good wish to benefit others, sometimes it is difficult to be accepted by the other party, and the final result may be counterproductive.
Most interpersonal conflicts arise because people overstate their positions and cannot understand the problem from the perspective of the other party.
In fact, his approach is different from yours. It does not mean that he must be wrong, and you must be correct.
If you are in his position, in the same situation, your approach may not be different from him.
Therefore, in the process of interpersonal communication, in order to achieve good interpersonal communication, seek support and cooperation from others, and create a win-win situation for the benefit of others, we must learn to think differently – everything should be considered from the other side’s position:If I am his.” The principle of mutual attraction between people and people shows that when people’s views, attitudes and values are similar, there is a tendency to like each other.
When we stand on the other side’s position to consider the problem, we will find a lot of commonality between each other, which can enhance mutual understanding.
There is a bottom-up master in Beijing who has been renting for many years. He has never been complained by customers and has not had any disputes with customers.
How did he do it?
The master said that mainly he can consider the problem from the perspective of the customer.
For example, if the customer wants to stop the parking, he will use a small sentence to add a small action to satisfy the customer.
He said: “Miss, you are optimistic about the price, 25 yuan.
Then, the master lifted the meter up and cleared it, then said: “The parking is not allowed here. The following distance is for me.”
“The passengers heard this and saw such an action. Most of them would say: “It doesn’t matter, Master, how do you count it?”
“The bottom master listened to his heart and was warm.”
The master said: “I am a driver. I know that I don’t want to park here. She may not have a driver’s license and she does not know the traffic signs.
Or, when she was in the car, other drivers had stopped here.
Therefore, she thought that it was possible to park here.
At this point, if I continue to move forward and happen to pick up a word in the meter, the customer will think that I will calculate her money.
In life, if someone counts me a dollar, I am not happy.” So how do you not get the customer’s favor when you think about the customer’s perspective?
How can you not get understanding and participation?
How can you be accused of responsibilities and complaints?
Empathy not only allows us to get the understanding and support of others, but also helps us to better understand others, find the reason for the lurking, and also find the key to a smooth solution.
In the United States, a mother took a 5-year-old son to buy gifts on Christmas Eve.
On the street, there is a hymn of Christmas, the window is decorated with eucalyptus lanterns, the cute little elf is posing and singing, and there are all kinds of toys in the store.
“A 5-year-old boy will watch this beautiful world with an exciting look!
“The mother thought without doubt. However, she did not expect that her son was crying out of her coat corner and cried out.
If the total crying is not over, the Christmas Elves will not come here!
“The mother is a little angry, and her tone is full of sternness.”
”I, my shoelaces are open.” the son replied slyly.
The mother must kneel down on the sidewalk and tie the laces for her son.
Mother inadvertently looked up, ah, how could there be nothing?
– No beautiful lights, no charming windows, no Christmas presents, no richly decorated dining tables. Those things are too high, and the children haven’t seen anything.
Falling into the eyes of the child, only the big footprints and the low skirts of the women, where they rub each other, collide, come and go. It’s a terrible view!
This is the first time a mother has seen the world from the height of her 5-year-old son.
She was scared and immediately took her son up and put it on her shoulder. The son smiled happily: “Mom, beautiful Christmas!
Since then, the mother has vowed not to impose “happiness” on her own as a benchmark for her son.
“Standing on the child’s position” – the mother realized this truth with her own personal experience.
Empathy is a very important skill to get along with others, that is, to place yourself in the other’s position and perspective, to experience each other’s inner feelings, to understand each other’s needs, and to set up an unimpeded relationship between each other’s minds.Communicate coaxially.
Of course, when you stand on the other side’s position, you will naturally observe yourself with your opponent’s eyes and learn more about yourself.
You may wish to ask yourself often: “What if I am him?”
“Think about it. If I am part of my wife, would I be willing to be a man like me?”
If I am in the territory of my son, am I proud of having a father like me?
If I am part of my ministry, am I lucky enough to have a boss like me?
. When you perform this role transition, you will be surprised to find that you still have a lot to improve.
On the battlefield, knowing oneself and knowing oneself can win every battle. In social interaction, you also need to think differently to reach your own knowledge and achieve a high level of interpersonal communication.
Henry Ford, the American car king, said: “If there is a secret to success, it is to stand on the other side to consider the problem.
“Gentlemen and different” smooth communication between people requires you to accurately convey your information, and you need to be able to accurately receive your information.
For example, you greet your friend: “Have you eaten?
“Eat, thank you for your concern.”
“Your kindness, he has received it accurately.
If he is angry and asks: “What?
Do you see me as someone who can’t eat?
Can’t I even eat rice?
“Thinking, your goodwill, he did not understand, so misunderstandings have arisen.
If you don’t understand it, it will lead to misunderstanding. Misunderstanding often leads to frustration: “He should do that.” “He shouldn’t do this to me.” Many people refuse because others don’t follow their own wishes. This is itself a life.Do not understand.
Please think about it, why should people follow your expectations?
If you say “should”, the following “should” be ranked first, that is: “A person should ‘should’ live in the way he understands.
“It means that a person has the right to do what he thinks is right, as long as he does not violate the law and does not harm the interests of others, that is, a person has the right to choose.
The “should” in the second place is: “We should” understand that others live the way they understand.
“That is, we must respect the choices of others.”
To understand the relationship between countries and countries is to respect each other.
For example, Americans have the right to live in the American way, and Indians have the right to live in the Indian way, whether you like it or not.
Now, mutual respect for sovereignty and integrity between countries and non-interference in each other’s internal affairs have become universally recognized rules of international relations.As small as individuals and individuals, they must respect each other, respect each other’s values, respect each other’s lifestyle, and respect each other’s cultural practices.
One person is convinced that his own ideas are correct, that he believes that his views are correct, and even strengthen his attitude towards life. There is nothing wrong with this.
People should have faith and pursue, and some principles cannot be easily changed.
You can also promote your appointment and influence others.
However, if others’ beliefs, ideas, practices, and opinions are different from yours, you should respect them and you should not negate or devalue them.
For example, you can say: “Mrs, I only love you, you are the most beautiful woman in the world.
“There is nothing wrong with expressing emotions like this, but you can’t say: “The other women in the world are ugly.
“It must be noted that others have the right to think that their wife is the most beautiful in the world.”
The people of a country can believe in the excellence of their own races, and even describe their own people with some beautiful words such as great, intelligent, and brave. However, they depreciate other countries and nations.
Show yourself that you can deny others.
This is like doing things, self-interest, but not hurting people.
Remember: Even if a person’s statement or practice may be outrageous to you, don’t laugh at him. You can disapprove but should show respect.
We need to understand that interpersonal relationships are mutual, that you think others, others respect you; if you hate others, others will not like you.
In exchange for hatred and accusation, there will be more hostility and criticism, and in a way of understanding and observing, there will be more tolerance and respect.
Confucius said: “The gentleman is different.
“A true gentleman can not only adhere to his own views, but also listen carefully to the opinions of others, understand and respect the opinions of others.